The Host Chapter 10: Turned

The electric bell rang, announcing another visitor to the convenience store. I started guiltily and ducked my head behind the shelf of goods we were examining.Stop acting identical a criminal, Melanie advised.Im not acting, I replied tersely.The palms of my hands felt cold under a thin sheen of sweat, though the wee room was quite hot. The wide windows let in too much sun for the loud and laboring air-conditioning unit to keep up.Which one? I demanded.The bigger one, she told me.I grabbed the larger pack of the two available, a canvas sling that looked well able to hold more than I could carry. Then I walked around the corner to where the bottled water was shelved.We can carry three gallons, she decided. That gives us three days to find them.I took a deep breath, trying to tell myself that I wasnt going along with this. I was simply trying to get more coordinates from her, that was all. When I had the whole story, I would find someone-a different Seeker, maybe, one less repulsiv e than the one assigned to me-and pass the information along. I was just being thorough, I promised myself.My awkward attempt to lie to myself was so pathetic that Melanie didnt pay either attention to it, felt no worry at all. It must be too late for me, as the Seeker had warned. Maybe I should have taken the shuttle.Too late? I wish Melanie grumbled. I cant make you do anything you dont want to do. I cant even raise my hand Her thought was a let out of frustration.I looked down at my hand, resting against my thigh rather than reaching for the water as she wanted to do so badly. I could feel her impatience, her almost awful desire to be on the move. On the run again, just as if my existence were no more than a short interruption, a wasted while now behind her.She gave the mental equivalent of a snort at that, and in that locationfore she was back to business. Cmon, she urged me. Lets get going It will be dark soon.With a sigh, I pulled the largest shrink-wrapped insipid of water bottles from the shelf. It nearly hit the floor before I caught it against a lower shelf edge. My arms felt as though theyd popped half sort out of their sockets.Youre kidding me I exclaimed aloud.Shut upExc subprogram me? a short, stooped man, the other customer, asked from the end of the aisle.Uh- zippo, I mumbled, not meeting his gaze. This is heavier than I expected.Would you like some help? he offered.No, no, I answered hastily. Ill just take a smaller one.He turned back to the selection of potato chips.No, you will not, Melanie assure me. Ive carried heavier loads than this. Youve let us get all soft, Wanderer, she added in irritation.Sorry, I responded absently, bem utilise by the fact that she had used my name for the first time.Lift with your legs.I struggled with the flat of water, wondering how far I could possibly be expected to carry it. I managed to get it to the front register, at l atomic number 99. With great relief, I piercing its weight onto the counter. I put the bag on top of the water, and then added a box of granola bars, a roll of doughnuts, and a bag of chips from the closest display.water system is way more important than food in the desert, and we can disenfranchisedly carry so much Im hungry, I interrupted. And these are light.Its your back, I guess, she said grudgingly, and then she ordered, Get a map.I placed the one she wanted, a topographical map of the county, on the counter with the rest. It was no more than a prop in her charade.The cashier, a white-haired man with a ready smile, scanned the bar codes.Doing some hiking? he asked pleasantly.The mountain is very beautiful.The trailhead is just up that - he said, start to gesture.Ill find it, I promised quickly, displace the heavy, badly balanced load back off the counter.Head down before it gets dark, sweetie. You dont want to get lost.I will.Melanie was idea sulfurous thoughts about the kind old man.He was being nice. Hes sincerely concerned about my welfare, I re minded her.Youre all very creepy, she told me acidly. Didnt anyone ever tell you not to talk to strangers?I felt a deep tug of guilt as I answered. There are no strangers among my kind.I cant get used to not paying for things, she said, changing the subject. Whats the point of scanning them?Inventory, of course. Is he supposed to remember everything we took when he needs to order more? Besides, whats the point of money when everyone is utterly honest? I paused, feeling the guilt again so strongly that it was an actual pain. Everyone further me, of course.Melanie shied away from my feelings, worried by the depth of them, worried that I might change my mind. Instead she focused on her raging desire to be away from here, to be moving toward her objective. Her anxiety leaked through to me, and I walked faster.I carried the stack to the car and set it on the ground beside the passenger door.Let me help you with that.I jerked up to see the other man from the store, a waxy bag in his ha nd, standing beside me.Ah thank you, I finally managed, my pulse thudding behind my ears.We waited, Melanie tensed as if to run, while he lifted our acquisitions into the car.Theres nothing to fear. Hes being kind, too.She continued to watch him distrustfully.Thank you, I said again as he shut the door.My pleasure.He walked off to his own vehicle without a backward glance at us. I climbed into my seat and grabbed the bag of potato chips.Look at the map, she said. Wait till hes out of sight.No one is reflection us, I promised her. But, with a sigh, I unfolded the map and ate with one hand. It was probably a good idea to have some sentiency of where we were headed.Where are we headed? I asked her. Weve found the starting point, so what now?Look around, she commanded. If we cant see it here, well try the south side of the peak.See what?She placed the memorized image before me a chevy zigzagging line, quaternion tight switchbacks, the fifth point strangely blunt, like it was broken. Now I saw it as I should, a jagged range of four pointed mountain peaks with the broken-looking fifthI scanned the skyline, east to west across the northern horizon. It was so easy it felt false, as though Id made the image up only after seeing the mountain silhouette that created the northeast line of the horizon.Thats it, Melanie almost sang in her excitement. Lets go She wanted me to be out of the car, on my feet, moving.I shook my head, bending over the map again. The mountain ridge was so far in the distance I couldnt guess at the miles among us and it. There was no way I was walking out of this poseing lot and into the empty desert unless I had no other option.Lets be rational, I suggested, tracing my finger along a thin ribbon on the map, an unnamed road that connected to the freeway a few miles east and then continued in the general direction of the range.Sure, she agreed complacently. The faster the better.We found the unpaved road easily. It was just a pale scar of flat dirt through the sparse shrubbery, barely wide enough for one vehicle. I had a feeling that the road would be overgrown with lack of use in a different region-some place with more vital vegetation, unlike the desert plants that needed decades to recover from much(prenominal) a violation. There was a crumble chain stretched across the entrance, screwed into a wooden post on one end, looped loosely around another post at the other. I moved quickly, pulling the chain free and piling it at the base of the first post, hurrying back to my running car, hoping no one would pass and stop to offer me help. The alley stayed clear as I drove onto the dirt and then rushed back to refasten the chain.We both relaxed when the pavement disappeared behind us. I was glad that there was seemingly no one left I would have to lie to, whether with words or silence. Alone, I felt less of a renegade.Melanie was perfectly at blank space here in the middle of nothing. She knew the names of all the spiny plants around us. She hummed their names to herself, greeting them like old friends.Creosote, ocotillo, cholla, prickly pear, mesquiteAway from the highway, the furnishing of civilization, the desert seemed to take on a new spirit for Melanie. Though she appreciated the speed of the jolting car-our vehicle didnt have the ground clearance demand for this off-road trip, as the shocks reminded me with every pit in the dirt-she itched to be on her feet, loping through the safety of the baking desert.We would probably have to walk, and all too soon for my taste, only when that time came, I doubted it would satisfy her. I could feel the real desire beneath the surface. Freedom. To move her body to the familiar rhythm of her long stride with only her will for guidance. For a moment, I allowed myself to see the prison that was life without a body. To be carried inside but unable to influence the shape around you. To be trapped. To have no choices.I shuddered and refocused on the rough road, trying to stave off the mingled pity and horror. No other host had made me feel such guilt for what I was. Of course, none of the others had stuck around to complain about the situation.The sun was close to the tips of the western hills when we had our first disagreement. The long shadows created strange patterns across the road, making it hard to avoid the rocks and craters.There it is Melanie crowed as we caught sight of another formation farther east a smooth wave of rock, interrupted by a abrupt spur that swung a thin, long finger out against the sky.She was all for turning immediately into the brush, no matter what that did to the car.Maybe were supposed to go all the way to the first landmark, I pointed out. The little dirt road continued to wind in more or less the right direction, and I was terrified to diverge it. How else would I find my way back to civilization? Wasnt I going back?I imagined the Seeker right at this moment, as the sun stirred the dark, zigzagging line of the western horizon. What would she think when I didnt arrive in Tucson? A spasm of glee made me laugh out loud. Melanie also enjoyed the picture of the Seekers impetuous irritation. How long would it take her to go back to San Diego to see if this had all been a ploy to get rid of her? And then what steps would she take when I wasnt there? When I wasnt anywhere?I just couldnt picture very clearly where I would be at that point.Look, a dry wash. Its wide enough for the car-lets note it, Melanie insisted.Im not sure were supposed to go that way yet.It will be dark soon and well have to stop. Youre wasting time She was silently shouting in her frustration.Or saving time, if Im right. Besides, its my time, isnt it?She didnt answer in words. She seemed to stretch inside my mind, reaching back toward the convenient wash.Im the one doing this, so Im doing it my way.Melanie fumed wordlessly in response.why dont you show me the rest of the lines? I suggested. We could see if anyt hing is visible before night falls.No, she snapped. Ill do that part my way.Youre being childish.Again she refused to answer. I continued toward the four discriminating peaks, and she sulked.When the sun disappeared behind the hills, night washed across the landscape abruptly one minute the desert was sunset orange, and then it was black. I slowed, my hand incapable around the dashboard, searching for the switch for the headlights.Have you lost your mind? Melanie hissed. Do you have any idea how visible headlights would be out here? psyche is sure to see us.So what do we do now?Hope the seat reclines.I let the engine idle as I seek to think of options besides sleeping in the car, surrounded by the black emptiness of the desert night. Melanie waited patiently, knowing I would find none.This is crazy, you know, I told her, throwing the car into park and twisting the keys out of the ignition. The whole thing. There cant really be anyone out here. We wont find anything. And were goi ng to get hopelessly lost trying. I had an abstract sense of the physical danger in what we were planning-wandering out into the heat with no backup plan, no way to return. I knew Melanie understood the danger far more clearly, but she held the specifics back.She didnt respond to my accusations. None of these problems bothered her. I could see that shed rather wander alone in the desert for the rest of her life than go back to the life Id had before. Even without the threat of the Seeker, this was preferable to her.I leaned the seat back as far as it would go. It wasnt close to far enough for comfort. I doubted that I would be able to sleep, but there were so many things I wasnt allowing myself to think about that my mind was vacant and uninteresting. Melanie was silent, too.I closed my eyes, finding little variation between my lids and the moonless night, and drifted into unconsciousness with unexpected ease.